Kimbo's Journey

  One of the most feared things a woman can hear is "You have breast cancer."

  My journey began like many others.  I was going about my life, paving my way in the world, and never for a moment, thinking about breast cancer.

  The summer of 2003 was like any other, and it came.  I felt a small something on the outer part of my left breast.  I had an old mammogram order that had expired and thought to use it anyhow.  I called for a mammogram appointment and they scheduled me for a month away.  My husband thought that was a bit far out so I called back the next day and it just so happened they had a cancellation that day. I went in with my expired mammogram order and they did not realize it was expired until after my mammogram.  The Radiologist came in with the first of my bad news.  “You have many suspicious micro calcifications and wanted me to get an ultrasound right away.  The next day I got my ultrasound… Same results… not good… I need a biopsy.

  After a recommendation from Margaret McCoy I went to Dr. West at the Breast Care Center in Orange.  His opinion was the same… I need a biopsy and if it is cancer a mastectomy was my only option.  June 9, 2003 was my biopsy.  The surgery went fine and I was on my way back home.

  A couple days later as I sat in my living room by myself Dr. West called with the news no one ever wants to hear… you have cancer.  This is where my journey began…I spent sleepless nights searching the web for information about breast cancer.

  I'm not really sure when that moment passed.  After the initial shock and hysteria wore off, I created a believable illusion that I was okay.  That I could handle whatever cancer handed me because I was a fighter, and I was tough.  I let autopilot take over as I phoned friends to break the news.  I hate those words. YOU, HAVE, CANCER.

  I met with Dr. West to learn my options.   It was all too much to take.  Without a second thought I made the decision to have bilateral mastectomy.   I needed to do everything I could do reduce my risk of developing a new breast cancer in the future. I just wanted to get rid of this “Cancer” thing in my body.

  I found a web site called Avon Breast Cancer Crusade.  The moment I logged on to the site, I felt like I had arrived.  I was surrounded by a cyber sorority.  Women from all walks of life with one common bond.  They were all mad as hell, and not taking cancer lightly.  After a few days on the discussion boards I had a core circle of friends.  These girls were my salvation.  I learned more from them then I did from any of my doctors.

  After meeting with Dr. West I met my oncologist, Dr. Margileth.  As the doctor looked over my chart the next agenda was to talk about additional treatments… Chemo. I told him I would decide if I liked him if he let me keep my hair.  He then gave me a couple of options.  Given my stage one option was to take a lighter dose of chemo over a longer period of time and I could keep my hair.  That was it… I wanted it.

  I left the office with a plan. Cancer thought it had one up on me, but with my plan set in motion, I leveled the playing field.  Cancer was missing one important piece of information--  that I only play to win.

  First on the agenda… a bi-lateral mastectomy from Dr. West and Dr. Hagstrom, my plastic surgeon, would come right behind him and recreate the breast Dr. West removed.  Using my tummy fat and 12 hours of surgery I had my new mounds.

  It was not an easy recovery but it was very doable. 

  Next on the agenda was Chemo…

  I went into chemo like it was my first day at school; determined to divide and conquer.  My wrists were piled high with pink bracelets.  I wore pink from head to toe, I was ready for war.  My best friend Jeanne Shroyer sat by my side at every chemo party we went to, that's what I called it... "My Chemo Party".

  On weeks to come, life was anything but normal.  I went to a class called Look good feel good.  I remember sitting in this class and they offered me a wig and I said “no thank you I’m not going to lose my hair”.  At that moment a women across the table lifted her wig off and said “that’s what they told me”.  I know the look on my face told it all but I kindly said “I’ll wait”.

  I quickly learned how to be my own best advocate.  I researched, and read books.  I joined every online cancer community that was available.  Within these cyber walls, I found a sisterhood that welcomed me with open arms.  If I had a question, my sisters had the answer.  When I experienced side effects from treatment, my sisters knew how to ease my pain.  Although I had a huge support team of family and friends in my corner,  I knew they could never fully understand.  I knew that they wanted me to be okay, so I swallowed my hurt and put on a brave front.  With my cyber sisters, there was no need to hide.  When someone was sick, we prayed.  When someone was sad, we listened.  When someone had surgery we sent gentle hugs.  When someone was dying, we put our own fears of death aside, and mourned a life that was not done living.

  It was the beginning of the next chapter of reclaiming my life.

 I had a lot of good days, and I felt like the worst was behind me.  But, the downside of having so many friends in the cancer community is the reality that some of them will have a recurrence, and some of them will die.  I realized early on, that just because I got better, the fight against cancer wasn't over.  I felt this rite of passage from the sisterhood, this sense of duty to help women through the emotional roller coaster of cancer.  I became a Bosom Buddy volunteer, and spent countless hours answering questions, and offering advice. 

  This experience is more than I ever could have imagined.  I am a part of something that is so much bigger than me, and for that I am so grateful.  I have the chance to give back what I've received.

  It brings me great joy to celebrate being a survivor, although it has come at a price.  I have lived through triumph and hope, just as I have lived through sadness and loss.  I celebrate to honor the lives that cancer has cut short.  I celebrate for my sisters who are sick, with hopes for brighter days ahead.  I celebrate those that came before me, and those that undoubtedly will come after me.  And when the day arrives, when we finally have a cure for this life changing illness, that will be the greatest celebration of them all.

Janelle's Journey

  When I think back to 2004 when I got those piercing words,” You have Breast Cancer” it seems almost like that was another person.  She was a younger woman that seriously thought she was superwoman and could just about anything.  Now I know I need God to carry me through each day.  I know with all my heart everything I have gone through is for a “bigger reason” a “bigger lesson”.  I was one of the lucky ones.  I had a GREAT OB Gyn that had given me a base line Mammogram when I was only 38 because of a small non-suspicious lump I had found when I was in college.  When I think back on how God guided my steps to being cancer free I still get very teary and know his hand was in it all. I had begun running into one of my neighbors often!  I didn’t see her very much because she home schooled her kids but suddenly I ran into her everywhere.  I remember the day she invited me to her sister Dana’s fundraiser.  She had been diagnosed with stage 4B Breast Cancer at the young age of 38.  Dayna was to become my Guardian Angel here on earth.  My appointment had come up for my yearly Mammogram. Soon I got a bright pink slip in the mail that said”RE-Check” six months.  I know myself very well.  I go 150 miles per hour and I know that I would have gladly tucked that slip into my day planner six months out had not Dayna face come into my mind and remind me that breast Cancer does not discriminate, anyone can get breast cancer even a young woman of 41. I asked my doctor for a biopsy and then after I convinced a Specialist it is what I needed to have I got my biopsy. I was standing in my kitchen the day I got the call that would forever have me wearing pink ribbons and fighting for other women’s lives.  I had breast Cancer. This is where one of the gifts of breast cancer began.  All my friends and family rallied around me.  I had one dear friend set up all my doctor appointments at the Joyce Kieffer Breast Cancer in Santa Monica. She too was a Survivor and another Angel that would help me through my journey . I had prayed for years that John, my husband would get another pilot job but with his excellent insurance I was able to go to this very amazing hospital. My prayers were not answered for a reason.  I met with my female surgeon and was told that my breast cancer had been caught so early, just calcifications, stage zero. I received a simple lumpectomy and I was already to go back home and get on that fast track of life that exhilarated me daily.  I remember spending the night with John my sweet husband at a near by hospital and being more sure than anything that the next day I would cross the street , go into that hospital and my surgeon would give me a clean bill of health and sent me home.

    What I got was my Doctor drawing on a paper of other areas of cancer they had discovered and the bomb of all bombs that I would need chemo and lose my hair.  I was also told I would need more surgery, either another lumpectomy or a mastectomy.  I remember the picture that immediately came to my mind of the mastectomy I had seen in a medical book.  As I looked into my husbands eyes I knew he was thinking the same thing. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I had always been so healthy. I had always had a nice body and nice breasts. I felt the hope being sucked out of me.

     The next thing that happened was the most wonderful thing. It was my miracle.  What happened next made every difference in my attitude and thought process.  I was told to meet with a plastic surgeon that would explain all my options.  I barely remember the drive to his office or what we talked about.  The amazing office was on the penthouse floor of a very nice office building in the 90210 zip code.  I remember the beautiful fresh flowers in the office, but what I remember most of all was the look in my Plastic Surgeon’s eyes.  There was empathy and warmth.  We went over my options and then he opened this book of patients he had done reconstruction on. I felt my heart rejoice and I felt like I exhaled and breathed for the first time since I had been given my new diagnosis.  At that moment I became a breast cancer SURVIVOR! I knew I could once again look like a woman, look like me.  Beautiful reconstructed breasts all shapes and sizes filled the pages.  The pages were a very bright light in a very dark place. The book was hope. The breasts were hope.  One day at home my doorbell rang and in walked Kimbo Slingerland.  She would become the most important part of my journey “MyBosom Buddy”.  She was determined, full of life and very matter of fact.  She told me she had done a bi-lateral mastectomy.  She showed me her breasts and I felt like I had an answer.  Another Angel came to my door and she too showed me her reconstruction and I called my Surgeon that day and asked her what she thought about me taking both breasts.  “I think it is a wise decision” I knew with all my might and faith I would fight this once! I knew I wanted both breast off!  Being alive meant more to me than keeping my natural breasts.  I had three beautiful children that I wanted to see grow up. I had a wonderful husband I wanted to grow old with.  I have never once regretted my decision.  They did find cancer in the other breast I removed voluntarily.  I had taken my health into my own hands and made an aggressive decision that was right for me. God has carried me through my breast cancer journey.

    I feel blessed that I was given the choice to have he reconstruction surgery at the same time as my mastectomy. I received my double mastectomy with reconstruction on my 42^nd birthday.  I had everyone in the operating room sing to me.  My birthday present to me was my life. I also had a melanoma cancer removed from my left arm that was much more deadly than my breast cancer if I had not found it while looking at pictures in a books at the hospital library waiting for my pre-operation consultation. God was guiding my steps.  I remember waking up from surgery with my little nipple less mounds, but as little as they were they were there. I remember my husband peering into my eyes and another lesson of my journey became apparent.  Nobody that really loves me cares what I look like they just Love Me for being Janelle.  Sometimes when I look at old pictures with my old body I do get tears in my eyes.  But… I am alive and one of the lucky Survivors.  I feel blessed by God to be able to help other Breast Cancer sisters with their journey.  My song is sweeter and my future so bright!